All alone

I'll be the first to admit that I can get a little emotional from time to time. But I was surprised at the tears I shed tonight as I said goodbye to my little family. Scott took the girls and Attley down to Waterloo to visit his parents for the weekend while I go up to Lori's cabin tomorrow. I've been fine with it all week, looking forward to it actually. I rarely get an entire evening free of any responsibilities, much less a whole weekend. But as I was loading up my little one's in "momma's silver car" as Cate calls it, I couldn't hold back the tears. I know exactly why though. I think every mom fears they'll never see their babies again when they are out of their grasp for a little too long. And its not an irrational fear. Last summer, we got a late night phone call (those are never good) telling us that Scott's cousin, Chad and his wife and two little girls, Hailey and Sydney, had been in a really bad car accident. Chad and Hailey died in the crash and Jamie was in very bad shape. Sydney was the only one who came out relatively unscathed. We had just seen Hailey a few weeks before that up at the lake where she had just celebrated her 4th birthday. So tonight, as I hugged my girls goodbye, I was praying like mad that this wasn't the last time I would see their beautiful little shining faces. I tried to memorize every angle of them. But before I could burst out in a freak-fest of emotion, I mentally shook myself and told myself there was nothing to worry about. But every once in a while, the feeling sneaks back and I shed another tear. I'm still looking forward to the weekend but I also can't wait until Sunday.

I don't envy Scott right now though. I called at 9:00 and the girls were laughing and screaming, playing peak-a-boo with each other. Clare's normally asleep by 7:00 and Cate, who normally goes to bed around 7:45, only had a 15 minute nap today. They're in that crazy over-tired stage. Its almost impossible to get over-tired kids to sleep without an all out tantrum of tears and screaming before they finally crash. And tomorrow, they'll be crabby and tired all day. But I'll be enjoying myself in the sun, on the lake, with a cocktail in hand and good conversation with friends.

I'm feeling better already.