The girls

With all that's been going on with Attley, I've fallen a bit behind on posting anything about the girls so I thought I'd just post a bunch of pictures. Oh, and Clare is walking now!!
Watching TV (probably Dora).
Our little fire chief.
Like my hat, Grandpa??
Apples and pumpkins day.
Cate with her "peeps" - (Grandma and Grandpa Schwake).
This is my juice!
Are we related??
9...10! Come out come out where ever you are!
The nightly ritual of picking out our water cup for bed.
Mmmm, mac n cheese!
Visit to the Fire and Rescue Station.

Attley pics

Attley has been recovering really well. He seems to be getting the hang of the 3-legged deal and does better and better every day. We also seemed to have gotten his medication dose and timing figured out so he seems much more comfortable and not so out of it. In fact, he's seeming more and more like the old Attley every day. Here are a couple of shots the day before the amputation.


And here he is one day and one week after amputation.
One day...
And one week...

Hopalong Attley

Just a quick post for now to update you on Attley. I'll try to post pictures later.

Attley is now a 3-legged dog. He's doing amazingly well with both walking and recovery. He went in for the CAT scan on Thursday. The spot they thought was an abnormality was nothing and the rest of his lungs looked nice and clear, which was especially good news considering the CAT scan can see even more detail than an X-ray. There was one small (1 cm) nodule located on his chest wall. They aspirated it and found no cancer cells. Our oncologist told us that it was not consistent with this type of cancer and their belief was that it was possibly scar tissue from an earlier injury or just a fatty deposit. Her gut said that it was something we shouldn't be too concerned about and felt we should still go ahead with treatment. Since she's an expert, and probably because we wanted to believe her, we agreed and approved them to go ahead with the amputation on Friday morning.

Friday morning was sad for me thinking of them chopping off his leg and thinking how much harder life would be for him now. But we got the call later in the day that the surgery went fine and he was sleeping.

We picked him up on Saturday and were surprised at how well he could walk already. He's continuing to improve his gait and navigation of stairs and seems to be coming out of the worst of the pain. And other than a liver scare due to the Deramaxx he was on, he's doing pretty well.

More later.

Naturally

Nothing can be straightforward, can it?! The radiologist found a slight abnormality on Attley's lung x-ray which could either be a cancer nodule or the overlapping of two blood vessels. If its a cancer nodule, we probably wouldn't go ahead with amputation or chemo since dogs respond poorly to treatment once they've gone that far. We'd just work on pain management and, when the time came, euthanasia. He'd likely be gone from us in a month or 2 at most. However, if it is just two overlapping bloodvessels, then he's a very good candidate for full treatment (and could likely be with us for over a year, possibly 2). So it was recommended that we do a cat scan, at an additional $900! We really can't make a decent decision without it so we're going ahead with it. He's scheduled for Thursday for the cat scan and, on the assumption that his lungs are still clear, he'll have the amputation on Friday, come home with 3 legs on Saturday.

God must be trying to teach me something through all of this but I'm not quite sure what it is yet.

Toss Toss

I had a fabulous weekend with my two girlfriends, Nancy and Sharla, in Chicago. It was just what we all needed I think. We didn't have our time overly scheduled and we all traveled really well together. I didn't even feel a need to have some alone time until late in the day on Sunday (after a long day of travel... more on that later) which is saying a lot. We flew to Chicago on Friday morning, got checked into the Marriott on the Magnificent Mile on Michigan Avenue (41st floor, view of the lake. Nice.) and quickly proceeded to find a place to eat seeing that it was now about 3:00 and we had all had a light breakfast at around 8:00. We found a nice little italian restaurant where we all had very good food. The only problem was that our waitress kept asking if we wanted more Diet Pepsi (which we did) and failed to inform us that we were being charged for each one. And she seemed to act surprised that it bothered us that we paid over $15 for pop! In today's day and age, where free refills are the norm and not the exception, a wait staff person should most definitely tell you there is a charge associated with refills. We made sure not to make that mistake again by asking if there were free refills everywhere we ate all weekend long. Everyone seemed gave us a strange look that said, "Uh, yeah! Who doesn't give free refills??!" so we of course had to regale everyone about our tale of woe concerning the fizzy beverage and the italian waitress who didn't get a very big tip. After eating we did a bit of shopping before heading back to our hotel to freshen up for our trip to the theater to see Wicked. What a fun show. I can't believe God blesses some people with such good pipes! We all agreed it was highly entertaining and that the singing was outstanding but the songwriting could have been a bit better. After the show we met up with a couple of other girlfriends of mine that were taking their own (albeit strangely copy-cat version of our) chicago trip at a bar and had a few drinks.

Saturday we blissfully slept in until 9:30!!! Thanks to the dark curtains and Nan's white noise machine. I haven't slept that long in ages. What a blessing!!! After a quick stop at Dunkin Doughnuts (apparently the best coffee in Chicago) we hit the stores where I proceeded to spend myself into serious debt. But, I know I will keep all the stuff I bought for years. I got a leather blazer and 3 cashmere sweaters that will never go out of style (or so my fabulous partners in crime convinced me to ease my buyers remorse - who can ask for more out of friends??!). We did clothes and shoe shopping in the first part of the day followed by housewares shopping in the afternoon/evening with a little Spanish Tapas in between (I'd never had tapas before and it was so good!). That evening we went across the street for some seafood and wine at Joe's - super yummy. We climbed into bed and this time didn't wake up until 10:00!! Died and went to heaven. Sunday we did a little bit more shopping and grabbed lunch at this mexican place before grabbing our stuff and getting on the train to O'Hare. Our flight was scheduled for 4 something in the afternoon. We got a call from Eric, Sharla's husband just as we were getting to O'Hare to inform us that our flight had been canceled. Thanks to Sharla's cell phone, quick thinking and somewhat pushy attitude, we found ourselves on the way to midway in a taxi paid for by Northwest to catch an 8:00 flight home. We grabbed dinner at Harry Carey's to pass the time and had an uneventful trip home...until we went to get our baggage. Sharla and my bags came off the carousel right away but Nan's was nowhere in sight. Sharla went looking all over while I stood in a line (that wasn't moving) to report missing luggage. 4o minutes after our bags came off, Nan's finally slid down the shoot onto the carousel and Sharla grabbed it. Who knows where they were keeping it. Its always been a huge mystery to me what goes on behind the scenes at baggage claim. Anyway, we were finally on our way home to our own families. So happy to have gone and so happy to be back. That's what a vacation should always be like.

The highlights for me (above and beyond just being able to catch up with my two best friends) was the Wicked show, the sleeping and the eating. We've decided that we need to take this trip every year. So, I have something to look forward to now!

I'll post some pics after I get some from Nan...she was the only one who remembered a camera.

Through the wringer

Uggh! What an emotional week. I got a call from the U of M oncologist on Tuesday so that we could schedule a time to come in and have a consultation. She started right off the bat talking as if he had cancer and what our options would be. I told her that our vet had said it might possibly be an infection. Was that really just a false hope? She said, yeah, pretty much. They were quite certain it was cancer, specifically osteosarcoma, which apparently is a very aggressive cancer. We made the appt for Thursday morning and I promptly went online to find out what I could about osteosarcoma. Apparently, once you see the tumor on the leg and see a prounced limp, it has already metastasized (moved) to the lungs. If you decide not to treat it at all, the leg will get continuously worse and way more painful and the dog will succumb to LUNG cancer within 2-4 months! The next option is to amputate the offending limb which is really just a pain relieving option - it doesn't prolong life by more than a couple more months than doing nothing. The third option is to do chemo along with the amputation. 50% of dogs who go this route will live for one more year. Of course each option has its associated costs, all expensive.

Scott and I both went home early that day to hang out with our pup. It was hard to comprehend that this robust, wanting-to-play, beggin for food dog could be so close to death! I was sad beyond belief and started envisioning the next couple of weeks and getting all depressed.

We met with the oncologist this morning and both Scott and I came out feeling way better. I had convinced myself (and Scott too) that Attley was pretty much a goner. I assumed he had very progressed cancer and our only option would be to put him down. It turns out, however that his lungs are clear (no visible tumors but cancer is likely still there microscopically). Additionally, according to the oncologist, his leg tumor has been caught fairly early and he's walking on it way better than most dogs he sees for this condition. He said many dogs aren't even putting any weight on that leg (Attley was running and jumping still). And on the x-rays, Attley still had a lot of intact bone. Many dogs come in with their leg bone almost disintegrated. So given that information (that we apparently caught it fairly early), we've decided to go ahead with the amputation. His leg tumor will only get worse and more painful and send more cancer to his lungs more quickly so the sooner its off, the better. The next decision will be whether to go the next step with chemo which ended up being cheaper than we had initially thought. I never thought I'd go so far as to give him chemo, however we've caught it fairly early so he would likely have a good prognosis. Its equally likely though, that we spend a ton of money and he may still succumb to cancer in a few months. Its a gamble. We'll just have to weigh all the options and come to a decision.

Regardless of which option we go with, he will eventually die of lung cancer (the chances of him being cured with chemo are extremely small). Fortunately for him, lung tumors are not painful. The major complications are difficulty breathing (which can cause extreme anxiety for the animal) and coughing from obstructed airways. A decision will still need to be made as to when to put him down after he reaches that point. Regardless of whether or not we do chemo, I think we've decided on the least painful option and best chance for a continued good quality of life (if not quantity of life).

We're scheduling surgery for early next week. Next time you see him, he'll be gimping around on 3 legs. But he won't be in pain. And we can start treating him a bit more normally again. I'm sure he was a little stressed wondering why I was crying all the time and hugging him tightly every hour or so. A weight has been lifted for me. His death isn't right around the corner as I had originally thought. I wonder if I can every be ready for his death. Is there a way to prepare??

Anyway, thankfully I won't be a mess at my MOPs group tonight. And I won't be such a big downer on my girls' weekend to Chicago. And now, not only will I be rushing home on Sunday to see my girls, I will actually be equally ready to give my big mutt a huge hug, one of the last on 4 legs.

My first baby

Anyone who knows me well, knows that Attley was my first baby. I got him the summer I bought my first house. I love the heck out of that dog. And while I was fairly good at training him to be a people friendly and generally obedient dog, I definitely did cater to him. I had never liked dogs much so I was really surprised at how much I loved this mutt. When he came down with hip dysplasia at 10 months, I was so sad for him and vowed I would make his life as painfree as I could afford. When he was 3, his left hip was getting really bad. I was pregnant with Cate and knew that if we didn't do something for him at that point, we never would. So we went ahead and got him a full hip replacement. He was a new dog. He could run and play again, scamper up the stairs, and keep up on long walks. He still had a bad right hip but the new hip could now take over the burden and give the right one some relief. And yes, things changed when we had Cate and then Clare, but overall, Attley is definitely a family member that we love and cherish.

One of Attley's favorite things is going up north so he had a ball when we were up there. He was tearing around the place, running up and down hills, chasing sticks into the water and swimming to his hearts content. We knew he was going to be sore - he always is when he overdoes it. Plus, he's been pretty lazy this summer so just the increased activity would make him sore all over. It would be the equivalent of me - super non-fit person - suddenly doing a triathalon. So we expected him to be sore. But after a week he was still limping around pretty bad. In fact he seemed a bit worse as time wore on. I called the vet and she came out yesterday to give him a once over (yes, came to our house - a good old fashioned home visiting vet - gotta love it). We wanted to rule out the possibility that he maybe seriously injured his hip or something else. First thing she noticed was his head bobbing as he walked which apparently is a dead giveaway for front leg lameness (who knew?). She looked at his right front leg and noticed a large knot on it. Scott and I are feeling pretty stupid at this point that we didn't even notice a large bump protruding from his leg. It seemed so obvious when she pointed it out. Plus we had just assumed that it was his back hip which is what is always bothering him, that it didin't occur to us to check anything else out.

The vet was giving us all these possiblities like arthritis, strain, sprain, or even possibly cancer. I figured since he came up lame after our trip up north, it had to be a sprain or something. She doesn't have mobile x-ray equipment in her car so told us to make an appointment at another clinic to get him checked out. We were lucky to get an appointment later that same day. That doctor comes in and explains how an x-ray works (Oh please! I always get really impatient when doctors do this - I realize that average joe maybe doesn't understand the basic concepts of modern medicine but I almost went to med school so I always feel like blurting out, "yes, yes, I know. Please move on.") Then she finally got around to the part on his leg which I could obviously see wasn't broken and told us it was either cancer or an infection of some sort. We would have to take him to the U of M oncology dept to get a biopsy to really know what was going on.

And that's where we are right now. I had a sad night last night thinking that we may lose our cherished pup. He's only 6 years old and I had thought we'd have him for at least another 4 years and hopefully more. Not to mention I thought we could amortize the cost of that hip replacement over several more years. Something is telling me that its cancer. And I expect there will be a ton of agonizing options for us to choose from, all of which may not work and we'd spend a ton of money to have him die in the end anyway. Apparently they can even do chemo and radiation these days. I hate the thought of him dying a painful death. I would rather put him down than draw out a long inevitable painful death. But I will miss him so very much. He's such a sweet boy.

So Scott and I are being extra nice to him. He definitely is in pain so we were given the go ahead to give him aspirin (he has liver problems too). And we're doing a lot of extra cuddling and loving. He really is a sweet boy. And I would rather deal with all the hair in the world in my house than to lose him. Hopefully it won't come to that. We'll know more next week I suppose. I'll keep you all posted. In the meantime, prayers for this 4-legged member of our family would be much appreciated.

Up Nort

I'm craving breadpudding. Of all things! I hadn't even thought of breadpudding for years until about 4 weeks ago when I had some at Famous Daves. While I've always preferred my mom's homemade recipe (mouth is watering now), I can't knock Dave's, especially with that yummy sauce all over it. So of course, once I've set myself on the course to lose weight, I now can't get it out of my mind. And I have to be good today because I knowingly blew it all weekend while we were up north. I figured I'd better enjoy something on this trip so I ate what I wanted (which included half a bag of reeses peices - the big family sized bag). Which brings me to my next topic...

Do not go up north on a rainey weekend with two children under 3, to a lot with no amenities and a mouse infested camper. I keep trying to be positive. Scott decided that we should stay both nights in the hotel. Thank God! The hotel was nice and had a pool so at least Cate and Clare had some fun there. And we didn't get rained on but it was cool and cloudy. I got to eat some decent food (but I felt guilty). And the girls did really well in the car. Other than that, not much fun. Both girls had a super hard time sleeping, especially that first night. And if anyone knows me at all, I was a mess! I get super stressed out when the girls don't sleep. After everyone finally conked out, I was still up for another hour just destressing. In the morning we went swimming, which is also very stressful with two toddlers who both think they're the next olympic champions but who in actuality, can barely keep their heads above water without help. And they like going in different directions too. After swimming we headed out to the property. It looked pretty much the same as it did last year. I cooked up some burgers for lunch and we got a fire going. Needless to say, we missed naps (i.e. mom is stressed again). So we had grouchy dirty tired hungry babies as we headed back to the hotel to have dinner. We were way past normal bedtimes again (stress). I thought for sure we would get the girls down very easily the second night given how tired they were. And they did go down well. But I didn't. There were kids in the next room banging the door and running up and down the halls until 11:30. I am a very light sleeper and could not sleep through that (Scott was out 2 seconds after his head hit the pillow). I got up and knocked on their door and did a totally crabby-old-lady-shaking-her-disfigured-finger diatribe at these poor kids telling them to be quiet or I'd get them kicked out. I'm still embarrassed (they should add that as a question on the realage test "have you ever given a crabby-old-lady-be-quiet diatribe to a bunch of kids? If yes, add 15 year"). There wasn't an adult in sight and the oldest kid I saw was maybe 12 and she was trying to do her homework. It occured to me later that they were probably children of one of the hotel employees so I couldn't have had them thrown out if I wanted. But they did shut up pretty good after that. The next morning, Scott took off to the lake with attley to do some man crap like cutting down trees and clearing...something. I'm sure he was in hog heaven. The girls and I hung out in the room watching cartoons. Cate started to feel kinda sick and had a fever so we didn't venture out of the room. Boredom set in about 10 minutes after Scott left and I was dreading the next couple of hours with a sick kid and an antsy 1-year old. However, I'm quite good at figureing out how to enjoy myself. So I popped in some Elmo videos for the girls, and I took out the book I had borrowed from Sarah, "So you want to be a Rock and Roll Star" by Jake Slichter of Semisonic. That pleasantly passed a couple more hours until Scott came back and we packed up and left. I was very happy to be heading back home. I'm more than willing to rough it up at the lake, but not with the girls. It stresses me out WAY too much.

So here we are at home today, recovering. Cate still has a fever. I'm thinking its from a cold that she recently caught. They both slept great last night and took good naps today. I'm indulging myself with an episode of Oprah. I usually don't watch it because I'm supposed to be spending quality time with my kids. But I did that this weekend (sort of) so I'm breaking my own rule. And its keeping me from whipping up some bread pudding!

RealAge crap test!!

As if I needed another reason to be down on myself... I saw this online test called RealAge which supposedly tells you what your biological age is compared to your actual age. It asks all kinds of questions from basic (height, weight) to detailed (history of family cancer, if you wear a seatbelt). Its actually quite comprehensive. I'm always optimistic at the start of these tests. I really thought I would come out at my age or younger. I don't think I live that bad of a life and in general, consider myself healthier than most. So I take the test and the result is that I'm biologically the age of a 41.1 year old person!!!! I'm 38! What's with that!? The worst part is that I sent it to Nan, who is several years older than me and Sharla, who is one month younger than me. Nan came out at 41.7! She's almost younger than me. And Sharla came out at 35!!! I think they cheated.

I guess my high age is due to a high cancer risk with my family history, I don't eat all my veggies, and I don't do any strength training. Plus, I already have arthritis (have you seen my deformed finger - totally 70 year old lady hand). But, the beauty of the test is that they give you a "Plan" and you're supposed to work on 3 thing then retake the test in a couple of months and see if your age went down. So I started thinking that maybe I should be doing a bit more to stay healthy. I do have two very young daughters and I need to be around for them. Can't go off and have a heart attack when they're in puberty. So I decided to start doing situps, pushups and lunges 3 times a week. I started last night and am sore today already. Sad. I've also decided to start counting my points, weight watcher's style. I did this a few years ago and it helped me lose about 10 lbs. Hopefully by being more active and eating better, I'll shed some weight and put myself a long ways towards being here a lot longer. I started counting points today and already had 2 peices of chocolate. I'm going to have to watch it for dinner!

On a completely different note, I have a friend here at work who is a complete conspiracy theory dude. He never takes anything at face value and believes that our government is covering up everything and is completey inept and/or corrupt. Its interesting how zealous he is in what he believes. I always hear him out and ask questions about why he thinks the way he does. He's a very intelligent man and he does do a ton of research to back up his opinions. He never completely convinces me but he always makes me think more about certain issues. His latest theory (and many others believe this as well) is that the 9/11 attacks on the towers were orchestrated by the Isreali's with help from key personel in our government. He pointed me to a very interesting website and article which makes some very strong arguments for pre-placed thermite explosives in the twin towers and tower 7 that caused them to completely collapse within their own footprint. The article details how the collapses could not have been caused by the airplanes or the ensuing fires. Its super intersting and well documented and researched. I can completely see how this might be the real cause for the collapse. However, he didn't point me to any information as to who was behind it all. I'm sure he has a ton of reasons for why he thinks its the Isrealis/our government but he didn't share those with me. Now, while the evidence is quite convincing, I do not know how to access other documents that might be as equally thought out and documented that disprove all of the theories in the above article. Therefore, I can't definitively concur with my crazy co-worker. But it does get me thinking that nothing is black and white. It gets me thinking about the role the media plays in swaying the public's opinion. It gets me thinking about how much power our government has to keep information from us. It makes me think how ignorance is bliss, sometimes. I don't really want to think about my government being behind the murder of thousands of innocent civilians. Its easier for me to think that some stranger in a far off land who hates us did it. But am I right to close my eyes and ears to hard scientific evidence? No. But to really get all the facts, I would have to spend a ton of time on it. And, frankly, I would rather spend my time focused on my family than finding ways to maybe possibly prove that someone somewhere is lying about something.

So, you are privy to some of the ramblings of my small little brain. I'm done babbling. I need to turn my attention to this weekend and the daily stuff that needs to get done. We're heading up north to our lake property this weekend with the girls. We'll be spending one night in a hotel but the other night we're making a go of it in our 70's avacado green camper (the Master - see pic). Should be interesting. I'm hoping the colors are at their peak up there, but I doubt it. I need to pack for everyone and get groceries too.

I also have to get a present over to Sharla's for Paige and Payton, her 3 year old twin girls. Its their 4th birthday this weekend and we're going to miss it. Happy birthday girls!! Have fun at the party!

Farmboy

Clarebear had her one year well baby checkup today which included 2 vaccination shots and a blood test for hemoglobin and lead. Ouch! Poor baby! I asked for the lead test because its possible she's swallowed some small peices of one of granny's old necklaces that broke recently. I'm not worried, she's not showing any signs of lead poisoning. But better safe than sorry. Anyway, she checked out fine on everything. She's topping the charts, just like Cate was at this age. She's 31" long (exactly half my height) and weighs just under 24 lbs. That's 95th and 90th percentile for girls, respectively. Cate was 30 1/4" long and 24 lbs at her one year check. Scotty says that I grow em big and I guess he's right. Looks like I'm always going to be the shrimp in the family, no matter what family I'm in. I reckon both girls will be 5' 8" or taller. I hope they don't get a complex about it because they will probably always be taller than the boys until they become adults.

While Clare and I were in the waiting room at the doctor's office, Fred Hoiberg came in with his 3 year old twins! After he checked in he came over and sat right across from me. I normally wouldn't have said anything to him - I always feel bad for celebrities who can't go anywhere without people mobbing them - but I know Scotty would have KILLED me if I didn't say something. So I said hi and let him know we were big fans. Found out his kids have strep which was why they were in. He asked where I lived and I asked where he lived (near Hazeltine). He was really nice (and cute too) and didn't seem put off at being recognized (that's a good ol' Iowa farmboy for ya). I of course called Scott the minute we left the office to rub it in. He was jealous and mad that I didn't mention that he also went to Iowa State. Scott's been hoping to run into Fred at the Chaska Target for years now. Now when he does, I'll be able to introduce them. Tee hee! My gloating didn't end there. I had to also give a call to Stratton - not so much to rub it in but because she's such a T-wuvs fan and I knew she'd appreciate the siting. She would and has done the same for me when she's spotted Dan Wilson. Now that's a good friend! Have fun in France Sarah!

After my brush with fame I was fully intending to go straight home to work after dropping off Clare at Jamie's. But I made a quick stop at Chaska Farm and Garden - they were having a sale on grasses. I didn't end up buying any grasses but got some dwarf hosta's, an azalea, a mum and some daisies. I'm such a plant slut. I just love getting new plants and figuring out where to put them and what I can move or split to make more plants. Who knew I would be such a plant nerd! After fulfilling my little plant addiction, I stopped at a couple of garage sales. It's Caver's Steamboat Days this weekend and they always have a city-wide garage sale. So I didn't get back home until 1:00. When I finally sat down to work (I had to eat lunch first) I tried opening some spreadsheets but my VPN was going very slowly so it seemed to take forever just to get one little thing done. I did actually manage to get in a couple of hours but then called it quits. I could hear the plants calling me to put them in the ground so out I went. I'm gonna have to buck up and do some work this weekend.

I'm looking forward to this weekend. I've got MOPs training on Friday night and Saturday morning. I've been looking forward to being a part of this ministry for moms. And the women who are leaders with me seem to be a fun group. Sharla (my oldest - I mean longest- friend) and Paige (my neighbor and newest friend) are leaders too so if nothing else I'll have a ball with them. Then on Sunday my newest nephews are going to be baptized. John and James were the unexpected one's that made my brother's family jump from 6 to 8. They're so cute too! That reminds me that I have to go get them a present! Better do some shopping tomorrow.

Summer's Over

Our labor day project this year was landscape lighting for our front gardens. I say our, but really it was Scott who did all the work. We're just waiting for it to turn dark so we can see what adjustments we need to make. All to increase curb appeal. Scott actually had about 20 things on his list that he wanted to accomplish this weekend. He's only gotten 2 things checked off. I wasn't dumb enough to make a list. I was just looking forward to the long weekend with nothing on our agenda but the lighting project (which I was uninvolved in). So far I've accomplished getting my nails done, watching a movie, grocery shopping and a start on laundry. Oh, and I organized the kids clothes into storage bins. That's it and I'm totally fine with it.

Scott and I went on a spur of the moment date on Tuesday night. We called up the neighbor girl at 6:30 who amazingly was instantly available. We took off shortly after and went to a movie in our old neighborhood of Hopkin! We wanted to see Nacho Libre but were a little too late for it. So we saw Prairie Home Companion instead. It was marginally funny, but all the old geezers in the back thought it was hilarious. We stopped for a beer at Big 10 afterwards. It was a nice quick get away for us both.

Well, thats about it. I can't believe summer is over! Its rainy and cold today - very fall-like. I love fall though so I'm not sad at all. I'm looking forward to the crisp weather and wearing sweaters. I love the look and smell of the leaves turning and of fires burning. I like visiting fall festivals and craft fairs. I'm going to visit one in October in Rosemount that was featured in Country Living magazine. Its called Haupt Antiek. Should be fun. Also in October, I'm going to Chicago with Sharla and Nancy which should be a super fun time! We're going to the musical Wicked and doing a bunch of shopping. Cate starts a quasi pre-school next Friday called Play Pals. She gets dropped off one day a week for 2 hours to play and do art and sing...sort of like pre-school. I think she'll love it. Yep. Lots going on in the fall. Love it.

Gotta go. Its time to eat.

All about Clare

My baby turned one this weekend and became a toddler, literally and figurativly. Clare seemed to have a great time at her birthday party. Almost all of her relatives and a few friends came to help celebrate. It was a fun time and there was good food. Clare did amazingly well. She didn't have a meltdown towards the end of the party like Cate did on her first birthday. She just seemed to be having fun the entire time. And I've never seen a one year old eat birthday cake so neatly! She was all about not wasting a single bite. Another first that day was that she stood all by herself for a good 20 seconds! Maybe she just loves an audience.

That night when I was putting her to bed I got all teary thinking about the last year and all we'd been through with her. From bringing her home from the hospital and bringing her back a few days later with meningitis, to her first Christmas, to learning to eat big people food, to crawling, to fights with Cate, to standing all by herself. And poof, suddenly I don't have a baby anymore but a little toddler. She's already started not wanting to cuddle, has to be on the move. She's started protesting loudly at being taken out of the bath, at not getting her food in time, at having a toy taken away. The first tantrum is just around the corner. And, if today is any indication, she'll be walking then running all over the place in a few weeks. Today she was practicing the standing that she started yesterday and decided to throw a step in on one of them. Her first step, the day after her first birthday. So, goodbye baby, hello toddler. Sniff.

Life is Just a Fantasy

The reunion was a blast! Everything went off (mostly) without a hitch. Friday we got a late start (Scott got home late) but I was still able to make it to the bar where everyone was meeting by about 10:45. Here in the cities, they've banned smoking in almost all the bars so it was hard being back in a bar with a ton of smoke! Plus they were playing the 80's music just a little too loudly for my tastes. I know part of that is just that I'm getting old and "can't stand all that racket!" but we were all trying to catch up and you had to yell to be heard. Other than that, it was fun seeing everyone and chatting for a few minutes. We (the women) came to the consensus that the women all aged better than the men. Saturday we loaded everyone up in our van (the girls and my mom whom we brought along for babysitting duty) and took a trip down memory lane (for me and my mom anyway). Pipestone is doing pretty well I think compared to other small rural towns. I think they have really benefitted from the wind power in the area. And they seem to be attracting a few new industries to the area as well. All the houses seemed well kept and there weren't many houses for sale. Saturday evening was the big dinner/social party. My friend Lori had done up this cool power point slideshow with music that featured almost everyone in the class, past and present. Everyone was very impressed. After dinner we all moved to the bar and proceeded to have a ton of fun. As is true with most reunions I suppose, I initially chatted with all sorts of folks but ended up spending the remainder of the evening with the pals I hung out with in school. Some of the women still seem like they were in high school which is to say, they haven't really grown as a person at all. But a few, like Angie, Sharla, Lori and Kerry, seem to have all come into their own as mature (and still cool) women (is it still cool to say "cool"??). Sharla lives near me and we still do a lot together, but if Lori, Angie and Kerry were in the area, I know I'd still be friends with them. I can't say the same for the other ladies. But it was all still a ton of fun and I got back to the hotel around 3:00 am which is the latest I've been up having fun in a long time. And, thankfully, I must have done the alcohol just right because I didn't have a hangover the next morning - just really tired. Kudos to Scott for going with me and not complaining - I know he didn't want to be there but he was at least a trooper.

Yes, it was all fun, but truthfully, I'm glad its over. I'm not good at small talk - it doesn't interest me. I know its shallow but its hard for me to get in depth with someone that I may not see again in another 20 years. I'm also glad that the planning stage is over. Not because I was so overworked with it but because I can stop feeling guilty that Lori was doing all the work. Again, shallow. So, on with real life again. Back to the job of raising little girls, going to work, and getting ready for fall. And now that the reunion has come and gone, and with it my failed "lose 20 lbs" deadline, I should be able to get back to my normal lose-weight routine. I do horribly with deadlines - something in me rebels even when its a deadline I've set for myself. I'm thinking that now that I don't have a deadline, I'll probably start losing weight again. Weird but true.

And this Saturday is Clarebear's first birthday! I can't believe how fast this year has gone and how much she's grown up right under my nose. What a cute little peanut. I need to go shopping for some good presents for her. She's been totally bored with Cate's old cast-offs and of course only wants to play with whatever Cate is currently playing with which leads to lots of high pitched screaming. So it will be good to infuse the house with some new toys. It should keep them both occupied for some time. I think, however, I'm going to have to relegate my formal dining room to a play room. Currently we have a toy box in our living room that is always spilling over into the entire room and I'm constantly trying to keep it contained. I might as well give up and give them an entire room - we don't have a table in there anyway so its just sitting there not getting used. This is our life.

...and this too shall pass

You may remember a previous post where I talked about Cate and her wandering around at night. She's still at it. After we put the gate up, she would get up and just stand there trying to figure out how to get it open. At which point I would get up and gently lead her back to bed. Amazingly without any huge fuss on her part. I did this for a couple of nights - leading her back to bed thinking she'd soon tire of getting up. Oh no, not Cate. I woke up one night and saw a low light from the hallway which meant her door was open and her nightlight was shining into the hallway (we normally keep her door closed). I got up thinking she'd be standing at the gate, but she was sound asleep on the floor in the hallway. I left her there and she was happy as a clam the next morning. Soon she could be found every morning laying in the hallway all curled up in a little ball. I started leaving a pillow and blanket out there for her and now she just covers up and rests easy. I'm totally fine with this situation. She's not bothering us or Clare, she's so quiet even I can't hear her when she comes out of her room and lays down, and (this is the best part) she waits until we wake up before coming into our room in the morning even though she's awake before we are.

I was fine with everything until just a few moments ago. Scott and I were sitting out here on the porch. I started doing my blog and Scott went in to do the dishes (isn't he great!). He'd been in there about 15 minutes when he suddenly he rushes out and says, "Cate's missing!". The whole gate thing works great, but we usually don't put it up until we go to bed. Scott said he had been hearing a weird noise like a window was open for a while even though we have the AC on. Turns out it was the front door, hanging wide open. Cate had come down at some point when we were both on the porch and walked right out the door. Scott didn't notice the front door open when he went inside. Anyway, after a quick look upstairs, we ran outside. Here comes my little blondie from the open door of the garage. "Mommy I woke up." Yes, honey you sure did. I of course scooped her up and gently told her to please don't go outside when you wake up at night. It scares the freakin shit out of your parents (it was in kid speak however). She looked like she was going to cry so I told her she wasn't in trouble but that it was scarey for mommy and daddy. Hopefully it made some kind of impression.

So now she's back up in her bed, hopefully falling asleep with the gate firmly in place at the top of the stairs. We'll be installing a lock up high on all the doors tomorrow. I need a beer!

A little QT

Its Saturday night and Scott and I are sitting on our porch, enjoying an adult beverage in the dimmed light, watching lightening flash across the sky. Quality time? No. We're both on our computers, browsing the internet. Occassionally I produce one of my hacking coughs (I've had this horrible cough for going on 2 weeks now) and Scott will complain that its sound is too piercing. That's about the extent of our conversation. We (Scott) built this porch so that we could sit out here together and with our family and have good quality time. Yet every time we come out here we bring along our laptops. How sad are we?! I'm going to have to declare that we can't bring our laptops out here.....but I really like surfing out here....maybe I won't declare.

Actually, we had some nice quality time today. It was the first Saturday in I don't know how long that we spent the day together as a family. We went to Target for a grocery run this morning, then did yard work/played outside as a family, then we grilled burgers and made homemade ice cream for dinner. It was so nice to have Scott around to help and just be with us. I had almost forgotten how good it is to be a 2 parent family on the weekend! I don't ever want to know what its like to be an actual single parent. The quasi-single parent weekends are enough to let me know it would totally suck.

The girls had a fun day too. They're both goofey butts. And they both would be naked 24/7 if we let them. I have to chase Cate around the house after every potty time just to get her to put her underwear back on. Then good luck getting her shorts on after that. Clare is equally hard to pin down to put a diaper on her. Where do they get this?! Don't answer that. I've been known to relish being naked myself a time or two. Those days are over now - until I get comfortable with my new rotundness or until I lose all this weight. Anyway, today the girls got all wet playing with the hose and then found some mud right after that. So I brought them in, got all their dirty wet things off, cleaned them up and they remained in their b-day suits all through dinner (Clare had on a diaper).

Tomorrow we'll go to church in the morning. I'll check out my flower beds and see how much weeding I have to do. I volunteered this summer to be on the weeding crew at church and I've been slacking. And the beds I'm in charge of are right in front where everyone sees them. Eeek! I suspect I'll have to head out there tomorrow evening. Anyway, after church I think we'll do some patio furniture shopping. We're looking for a hardwood dining table and chairs, the one's that are bar height. But we're so cheap that we don't want to spend much. Everything is on clearance now so hopefully we can find something we like in our price range. Scott's parents are up visiting Dustin and Josie and they're stopping by at some point in the afternoon. It will be nice to see them since I wasn't down there last weekend.

And that will be another weekend come and gone. But so far, this is ranking up there with the good one's.

For comparison only

This is me today.

20 years!

This is me, 20 years ago. I'm helping plan our 20th high school reunion with my friends Sharla and Lori. To be truthful, Sharla's the one who stepped up to the plate at the last reunion and I told her I'd help her, but once we got into it we knew we needed some help and Lori just jumped in and save our arses. She has a knack for it or something. She still is in regular contact with many people in our class. I lost contact with most people about 5 minutes after commencement was over. I haven't lived in Pipestone (where I graduated) for over 20 years now. Its weird. Its weird to think that some people still live there. I remember moving there the summer before I went into 3rd grade. We had been living in Mankato where most of my extended family lives. Mankato isn't huge - maybe 50,000 or so, but compared to Pipestone at under 5,000, it was a metropolis. When we moved there, I remember thinking that the town was po-dunk - somehow beneath me because I was from the big city. La tee da. And even though I enjoyed growing up there and called it my hometown, I don't think I ever lost that feeling. I knew I would never live there past high school. So the fact that there are classmates of mine who CHOOSE to live there, still blows my mind. I'm just so used to all the amenities of a bigger city. I don't even want to think about living without a Target! Ack! Its weird to think that I'm old enough to be going to a 20 year reunion in the first place. I always had a mental image of people going to their 20th, and they were always super old. And I am not old. Although some parts of me are trying really hard to be a little too mature, if you ask me! Not liking that one bit. Anyway, it will be fun to catch up with old classmates. At least I hope it will be. I've never been good at small talk, it completely bores me. And after 20 years, you really don't know these people so you are reduced to small talk. But hopefully, I'll be able to connect with some of my closer friends that I've actually asked about in the last 10 years and we can have a conversation that doesn't make me want to barf.

On a completely different subject, my poor daughter Cate is destined to become anal. At least if her current behavior is any indication. She's a little perfectionist in the making which is really too bad, because it means you get way more stressed than you really need to be over the dumbest things. I am a partial perfectionist and Scott's a full on perfectionist in the things that matter to him. If it doesn't matter to him, he could give a rat's ass. So she was destined. She insists on lining up everything in a perfect row. Gets very upset if you mess with it too. She's 2 and half! She likes to do things the way I do them, to a T. Case in point, the sunglasses on the dash. When I get home I put my sunglasses on the dash of the car. Cate likes to play in the car for a few minutes after we get home, pretending she's driving. I went out to my car the other day to find my glasses on the dash and her bright pink one's sitting right next to mine in the exact position. All lined up. I'll start saving for the psychiatrist now.

Clare's brain seems to be growing by leaps and bounds. I swear she's trying to say full sentances already, even if they do sound all gibberish. But sometimes she gets a couple words right! And she is totally understanding way more than we think she is. I told her to comb her hair the other day and she did. Genius. She finally sprouted her front two teeth. That's gotta be a relief for her. And we discovered that she can ride a little push tractor today. She had a ball. But she almost fell off of it so that prompted me to go get a helmut on her (I'm turning into Stoller). Cate had already grabbed one of them which happened to be the smaller one, so I put the bigger one on her. She had a total balloon head going. It was great. But now I know we can head outsite and actually all play instead of Clare just crawling on the asphalt (she acutally walks on her hands and feet like a monkey - cute).


Well, that's about it. We're heading into the weekend with not much on our agenda which is great. We haven't had many weekends open like this. I'm looking forward to it. Adios.

So Cushy

There have been two moments in my life where I've been thunderstruck by just how increadibly cushy and easy my life is. The first was when I watched Schindler's List in the theater. I vividly remember watching the horror of babies being torn from their mothers, of children hiding in the bottom of an outhouse in the slimey filth of human waste, of men being shot for no reason and then looking around the theater and thinking, "We're all going home to so much comfort - we're SO fortunate and SO INCREADIBLY ungrateful!". My second moment just happened as I was reading the paper in the lunchroom at work (yes, I shouldn't be blogging at work but I'm eating my lunch and taking a break). It wasn't so emotionally charged as the first but it still struck me hard. I was reading a story about a race called Primal Quest that takes place in Utah. Its a 10-day endurance test over 416 miles in the Moab dessert of Utah. The two-person teams race almost non-stop and have to ride horse, run, bike, kayak, mountaineer, climb ropes and rapel and just about any other adventure-type thing you can think of. The best teams sleep, at most 2-3 hours a night, many times going a few days without any sleep.

Okay, in my day, I thought I was a pretty tough chick. I was a moutainbiker and did the 4-hour Chequamegon Fat Tire race which very few women do. I've done a sprint triathalon. And while I wasn't a top contender by any means, the fact that I was just out DOING it made me feel pretty good. But reading this article made my past attempts seem laughable and my current situation pitiful. At this point in my life, I make excuses not to go on a 3 mile run when the weather is above 85 degrees - heck in any weather. I can always find an excuse not to exert myself. And on the flip side, there's these maniacs out there going non-stop through the dessert for 10 days!! Insane! I need to get off my butt and move. I'll make these maniacs my inspiration! I'm gonna stop excusing my tired, flabby, unmoveable self. I'm gonna get off my couch and MOVE.....after I finish watching Primal Quest on TV. :)

Bless you Mommy

We all survived the weekend. I had a great time hanging out with Lori and Cath at the cabin and then on Sunday, at Ruttger's. Just the right amount of socializing, sleeping and alone time. Scott fared well with the little one's down in Waterloo. The sleep schedules got a little screwed up but that's because he's not a sleep nazi like I am. And now I'm in love-fest mode with my girls. I could just eat them up. Clare sprouted a new tooth over the weekend, her 3rd. Cate just called, "Bless you Mommy" from across the room after I coughed. So sweet. I really missed them, and Scotty too (and Attley too) while they were gone. It made me realize (again) how empty my life would be if they weren't in it. The rest of my life would stretch out like a big void and I'd carry a sadness with me all the time, even after I'd "gotten over it". So, while weekends away alone are great and something I really need, I'm most content here at home with my family. That may change when I have two teenage girls in the house and I'm going through menopause, however.

All alone

I'll be the first to admit that I can get a little emotional from time to time. But I was surprised at the tears I shed tonight as I said goodbye to my little family. Scott took the girls and Attley down to Waterloo to visit his parents for the weekend while I go up to Lori's cabin tomorrow. I've been fine with it all week, looking forward to it actually. I rarely get an entire evening free of any responsibilities, much less a whole weekend. But as I was loading up my little one's in "momma's silver car" as Cate calls it, I couldn't hold back the tears. I know exactly why though. I think every mom fears they'll never see their babies again when they are out of their grasp for a little too long. And its not an irrational fear. Last summer, we got a late night phone call (those are never good) telling us that Scott's cousin, Chad and his wife and two little girls, Hailey and Sydney, had been in a really bad car accident. Chad and Hailey died in the crash and Jamie was in very bad shape. Sydney was the only one who came out relatively unscathed. We had just seen Hailey a few weeks before that up at the lake where she had just celebrated her 4th birthday. So tonight, as I hugged my girls goodbye, I was praying like mad that this wasn't the last time I would see their beautiful little shining faces. I tried to memorize every angle of them. But before I could burst out in a freak-fest of emotion, I mentally shook myself and told myself there was nothing to worry about. But every once in a while, the feeling sneaks back and I shed another tear. I'm still looking forward to the weekend but I also can't wait until Sunday.

I don't envy Scott right now though. I called at 9:00 and the girls were laughing and screaming, playing peak-a-boo with each other. Clare's normally asleep by 7:00 and Cate, who normally goes to bed around 7:45, only had a 15 minute nap today. They're in that crazy over-tired stage. Its almost impossible to get over-tired kids to sleep without an all out tantrum of tears and screaming before they finally crash. And tomorrow, they'll be crabby and tired all day. But I'll be enjoying myself in the sun, on the lake, with a cocktail in hand and good conversation with friends.

I'm feeling better already.